Isolation Rambles

As the darkness shrouds her and the passive sounds of the boiler begin to creak and fade, her mind starts to race. The beat of her heart quickens. Words swirl in the fragments of her mind like dust particles finding their home on a barren bookcase. It is now she feels it; the calling. Again, her pulse quickens. 

Her universe centres.

These are not just words that form on her tongue and cascade through the air, these are life forms which whistle in the very essence of her blood, her core, her fabric of being. 

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Her heart melts; it's core aching to help, to support, to fix. He'd fallen asleep; his cheeks red from the blows of the upholstery. His face crumpled, he withers into the kitchen and stumbles into unfolding the overcooked pink flesh. 

Anger. Irresponsible.

But as the fire settled in her belly, the embers burned, he was as a child. His vulnerability her Achilles' heel. She stands there, staring into a space fighting to save him. The desire to protect, love, cherish this innocence threatens to overwhelm her. She turns. She chooses herself. 

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Despair. 

The child looks at her from afar. Why is she crying? Why are the tears catching in her throat? Why does the salt stain her cheeks? The gulf appears. 

"Why are you here?"

Aggressive words. Sting. Bite. The child watches as she reacts. As she finds a bellow in her voice. As she defends her right. As she weakens herself. Because she saw the child in him too. 

Taking her hand, the child steals her away. Dries her tears and whispers love into her soul. The hushed tones of the world steal over her mind as the lullaby sings her to sleep. The child smiles and leans in; this is where she is safe even though her heart is cleft in two. Using the universe, she begins to stitch the woman back fusing the broken with the broken hearted. Listening to the stars chatter outside, she sighs. Ribbons of life work through her hands as she plaits the woman's core. She sighs. In the morning, the sun will rise and specks of dust will swirl in the catching light. Magic will reopen the doors into the world and the woman will be at peace. Until.... until the child holds her hand one more time. 

Fireworks, Resolutions and a Chinese

“For last year's words belong to last year's language and next year's words await another voice.” — T.S. Eliot

New Years Eve in this household has never been particularly exciting. Someone's usually still reeling from an argument over the festive period, there's usually a panic about making the most of the evening because, you know, only "boring" people stay in - how dare they - and there's always an issue over who's babysitting.This year was no exception.

There is one thing we have always tried to do though and that is write some resolutions. In the past we've written them down and locked them away in order to tick them off the following year. Unfortunately, we ended up forgetting where we put them (we never found them) so we have started just writing them in our diaries or just storing them in one of the boxes in our mind. I thought it would be a lovely idea to try and include the little ones this year. That didn't quite go to plan. Luke just said he wanted have a bubble bath (his current obsession) and Ben didn't exactly look enthused at the prospect of thinking about what he can do better. Oh well. At least the older siblings are all keen to get involved..... Yeah. It's just me.

"I'm Feeling Emotional"

It's the sentence every big sister dreads. It means at least 20 minutes of trying to fathom out exactly what is wrong because, let's face it, most of us just get upset from time to time and struggle to work out exactly why. My little sister is no exception. It got me thinking though about the changing of the seasons and the impact it can have on us all; the inevitable Autumnal blues.

It happens every year. Students return to University and pupils return to school. For those of us who are governed by the educational calendar, it is a known problem. The summer is behind us and, with it, goes all sense of freedom and the contentment of simply lying in the sun for most of the day. Our social calendars begin to revolve around cosy nights in and calorific, yet heart-warming, meals.  Cottage pie is back. Time to bring out the mince pies. It is a sluggish battle towards Christmas.

But not this year. I am officially declaring war on all things 'comfortable'. It just sounds so dreary. The Autumnal period should be a chance to start afresh, take stock. After all, we only live once. At school, I used to look forward to having a new pencil case, new books to write in and the knowledge I'd gain this time round (yes, I was that child). Perhaps this Autumn we should look forward to the first time we crunch through the leaves during a morning frost, the heart-stopping brilliance of a mulled wine after a long day at the office (library etc), the feel of your new winter coat as you brace yourself against the onset of the November chills and those glorious aches in your fingers when you've come in from the cold to a deliciously warm house. Everyone is always so excited for the summer and Christmas but we should be making the most of the times in between too.

So, get rid of the guy you've been pining over all summer. If he wants you, he'll call you and take you on an actual date. You should be spending your time doing some serious pampering instead. Take up a new hobby. I'm a big fan of the gym during the winter months. It's a great way to lift your mood and to get some valuable 'me' time in without having to freeze a limb off on a run outside. Focus on your work. This is the year you'll get a first in your dissertation or that promotion at work. Be positive. Everything happens for a reason but you need to be in the right frame of mind to make the best of those situations.

The winter periods don't have to be a time of hibernation. They're prep time for all those summers ahead.

A Summer in the South West

As the waves lapped on this South Devon beach and the gulls screamed overhead at a passing child with an ice cream, it occurred to me how much one can miss even when you’ve lived in the area for a over a year. After all, when I studied in Cornwall, I made it my mission to seek out the local beaches and walks in order to acquaint myself enough with the area to call myself a “local”. It is this knowledge that allows you to truly understand and love the landscape within which you live. And so begins the challenge of my (probably) last summer in the South West.

     Over my twenty-two years of existence, I have often frequented England’s answer to the French Riviera. From childhood memories of seeing my Great Aunt almost lose a leg in one of the bogs at the top of a Dartmoor Tor (in the end it was just her wellington boot) to seeing a basking shark swim along the Cornish coastline, I have invested a large part of my life in enjoying the simple joys of the South West. It is not surprising that I have a constant love of landscapes, fresh air and country lanes.

     It’s certainly been quite a summer. The weather has been simply stunning. You know it’s good when you still manage to develop a tan despite being in the office every day. I have also had the luck of finding friends who share my fondness of spending endless weekends on the beach and having family who enjoy long walks in the hills.

     Yes, my parent’s annual trip to Dartmoor was certainly interesting this year. I managed to completely freak myself out in my tent by convincing myself that the raindrops were footsteps and there was a giant herd of cows just by the fence. Sunrise has never been so sweet. It was nice to see my younger brothers bond with the landscape too. Ben’s learning to ride at the minute so we went out exploring the Moors with our Dartmoor pony Izzy on a daily basis whilst Luke, who is only 3, took up the pretence of being Frodo from Lord of the Rings and we spent many happy hours singing the theme tune whilst helping each other across the chasms of doom. I do love being a big sister.

    Next week is Regatta Week in Devon so I’m hoping to pick up my love of sailing again and hit the high seas. Luckily I’ve also found a new friend who also shares this ambition. It’s strange to think it’s all nearly over. Indeed, Autumn Term is literally round the corner; my younger sister is off to University for the first time in a few weeks, my other sister goes back to uni in a few weeks and I have a whole range of events to organise and host at work. This time next year I will be getting ready for my first term as a Teach First teacher. What a summer that will be!

What A Difference A Year Makes!

As the sun sets on another day in Exeter, I find myself reminiscing on the last year and the differences between now and May 2012. I still have the terrible habit of simply staring into space - To be honest, I think I'm always going to be drawn into the intrigue of my surroundings. There is a peace in watching the wind ruffle the leaves and a fascination in trying to figure out different peoples' stories - However, I have managed to secure myself a graduate job, a place on a graduate scheme that will truly kick start my career and, almost, gained the ability to drive without an instructor. Not bad, not bad at all. I think it's fair to say, though, that I've learnt my fair share of lessons along the way.
   For instance, I certainly understand why people take gap years now before launching themselves into their career or University life. This year, although not technically a gap year, has provided me with the perspective I needed to live in the world outside the education bubble. Indeed, by exploring and challenging my personality and expectations, I have found a forgotten passion that will be nurtured by the Teach First programme in 2014 - the importance of education. Considering my first graduate job has been in Higher Education under the employability remit, I suppose it was always there, I just hadn't realised how enthused I actually was. They do say the best place to hide things is in full view. And there it is, the biggest difference between now and May 2012 is the fact that I know what I want to do with my career.

Here are some of the other things I learnt along the way:

1. Dinosaur pictures and, in fact, any pictures of animals are always well received in student marketing.
2. Keep in contact with as many uni friends as possible because otherwise you can end up losing them in the fogs of China, the big city of London or the beaches of Australia.
3. Food shopping is essential but carrying 5 plastic bags home just leaves you with swollen hands for 2 days.
4. Never expect your parents to communicate anything to you unless it's at the last minute.
5. Always keep your credit card topped up for those sibling 'needs'.
6. Diets are almost impossible when working in an office.
7. Guys can be extremely messy to live with.
8. Lie-ins become very difficult due to your structured body clock.
9. Saturdays tend not to exist due to the night before.
10. Friends can appear in the unlikeliest places.

Connections

During our day to day lives, we often get caught up in going through the motions. Our daily commutes to work are a necessity. We tread the same mundane steps with our coats wrapped around us against the bitter cold. Trains are packed with faces buried in the Metro or alight with the glow of social media. Perhaps this is a necessity though. After all, we do not have time to stand and stare. Unless, of course, it's 9pm on a train to Birmingham from Exeter and you've been staring at a graduate application form for the last hour and a half. 

The carriage had emptied by the time we reached Bristol. I had so far been busy working on an application form which was due in two days. The combination of the darkness and my music had allowed me to enter the zone of inspiration and, despite having worked that day, I was fairly awake. The arrival of the Train Manager in the carriage distracted me momentarily and I turned my music down just in time to hear the words, "If I fall asleep, will someone wake me up?". I chuckled to myself as I heard the reply, "Oh yes, don't worry, we do a thorough check of the train". The train was terminating at the next stop. Perhaps it's just me but I don't suppose it's great PR to leave passengers on trains asleep. Anyhow, I went back to thinking of something unusual and unique that I had done in the last year whilst Mumford and Sons tinkled away. 

I glanced up. Very quickly. It was more of a thinking glance than a "Hey, let's chat" glance. But that was it. The train manager motioned for me to take my ear phones out.

"Are you working?"

"Yes"

"Are you studying?"

"No."

A puzzled face.

"I'm doing a job application."

"Well, you know, I should charge you extra for that. Working late and all."

The lateness of the hour meant I did not immediately see the joke in that line and I blushed as a consequence. I honestly believed that I was going to be charged extra as I had been using the electricity to charge my laptop. I was even preparing a defence speech in my mind. However, I could see he was smiling and we began a discussion about our dream jobs, books and writing. By the time he asked me if I had ten minutes to spare, I had already put aside my blushes and my initial reserve. Two minutes later I was packing up my things and heading to first class where a cup of promised tea was waiting......with cake.
 It turns out, this train manager was actually a writer at heart. His stories were imprinted into the memory of his Kindle which I gratefully received. The temptation of entering into another world was just too much. The story I read was imaginative and colourful. The desolate carriage was transformed into a small, polished room in a hotel, an isolated beach under a hanging cliff face, a bustling market place. Despite this, I felt a little intrusive. After all, although very good, his musings were not published, they were a personal collection. We give a great deal away in our writing. It takes courage to allow someone to read your thoughts and feelings. He returned from his duties and we agreed to keep in touch. After all, it's not everyday someone bares their literary soul to you and, besides, I'd learnt a valuable life lesson: the importance of making connections.

Since that journey, I have received a few emails from the train manager which included his entire backlog of travel pieces. He has suggested that I could be his official proof-reader if he ever felt ready to try to get them published. So there we go, a new opportunity and a friend in a train manager and all it took was a smile.

Making The Most of a Graduate Internship

I have always believed that everything happens for a reason. I know that might sound a little naive, but my life experience has persuaded me into believing that it really is true. My graduate internship has been no different.

It was early May and, like many third years, I was busy revising for my final exams whilst worrying about life after University. I had applied to my fair share of jobs but, despite becoming one of the top four applicants for a large PR graduate scheme, nothing had come my way. The fear of unemployment was real. Luckily, I came across a graduate internship role at the University of Exeter one afternoon whilst I should have been revising. I remember the sheer excitement I felt when, whilst discussing how I was going to get a graduate job with my mentor, I looked down at my Blackberry to notice a small email icon. I had been invited to interview.

The next week flew by. By the time I was on the train back from my interview, I had finished all of my exams. As I looked out at the sun setting over the Devon coast, I suddenly felt very 'grown up'. It was a strange feeling knowing how much my life could change in one phone call. It was typical that the phone call would come whilst I was going through a tunnel. Heart hammering, I waited for the next ring. And this is where I shall give you my first bit of advice: if you need to cry on the phone to your future employer, make sure you're not also displaying signs of regret, confusion and despair. It can make the first day a little awkward. Of course I accepted the job. I was thrilled. Yes, I was utterly terrified about moving to a strange city on my own, I was quite sad about missing the graduation summer but this was an actual job. It was an actual job that I would enjoy too.
One of the best things about working at the University is the induction process. Although, like most new starters I would expect, it took me a good couple of months to really feel comfortable and confident working on projects on my own, within a couple of weeks I felt at home in the team. I learnt very quickly that in order to get to grips with my role, it was better to ask questions than to stumble around blindly. Your employer would rather you asked a question, in order to move forward with a task, than spend an hour twiddling your thumbs. Indeed, ask once, maybe twice, to solidify your knowledge. Store the answer if you need to for future reference; your employer wants to know you are capable of using your initiative and will not want to answer a question time and time again. 
My main role at the University is to support the administration of the Internship schemes whilst organising employer drop ins on campus. However, because my main interests lie in the marketing and PR industry, I was keen to gain some experience in these areas too. Luckily, the University is a large organisation. Thus, by making the most of the marketing techniques I was required to use, I have been able to showcase my creative talents which has led to me taking the lead on several marketing initiatives. My knowledge of the department and my communication skills have also meant I have been given more responsibility in the employer events sphere. I am now equipped with event-management skills including crisis control. It is important when you work in an organisation that you show off your talents. The more your employer trusts you, the more responsibility you will hold. In order to make the most of your internship, be efficient with your main tasks. This will be conducive to bargaining for more challenging objectives. Lastly, your CV will thank you for it.
When I graduated I was told that I had a number of skills, it is only now that I can see how to truly use them. It is like being given a palette of paint. There are varying amounts of different colours but it is up to you to decide what you want to create. Work experience will help you to do this.  
It is important to remember too that this is simply the beginning. A graduate internship is designed to help you to decipher which brush strokes you need to use and which colours work best. It will not give you the complete picture; that is what the rest of your life is for.  

And so, although I do not know what is around the corner, I know that my decision to take my graduate internship and move to Exeter was meant to be. After all, I have built lasting relationships here, both personal and professional. Who knows where they will take me?